April 19, 2015
Dear Parishioners,
An Open Letter to Parents With Young Children in Church:
YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT. I know it’s not easy. I see you with your arms overflowing, and I know you came to church already tired. Parenting is tiring. Really tiring.
I watch you bounce and sway trying to keep the baby quiet, juggling the infant car seat and the diaper bag as you find a seat. I see you wince as your child cries. I see you anxiously pull things out of your bag of tricks to try to quiet them.
And I see you with your toddler and your preschooler. I watch you cringe when your little girl asks an innocent question in a voice that might not be an inside voice let alone a church whisper. I hear the exasperation in your voice as you beg your child to just sit, to be quiet, as you feel everyone’s eyes on you. Not everyone is looking, but I know it feels that way.
I know you’re wondering, is this worth it? Why do I bother? I know you often leave church more exhausted than fulfilled. But what you are doing is so important.
When you are here, the church is filled with a joyful noise. When you are here, the Body of Christ is more fully present. When you are here, we are reminded that this worship thing we do isn’t about Bible study or personal, quiet contemplation, but coming together to worship as a community where all are welcome, where we share in the Word and Sacrament together. When you are here, I have hope that these pews won’t be empty in ten years. I know that they are learning how and why we worship now, before it’s too late. They are learning that worship is important.
I see them learning. In the midst of the cries, whines and giggles, in the midst of the crinkling of pretzel bags and the growing pile of crumbs, I see a little girl who insists on going two pews up to share peace with someone she’s never met. I watch a child excitedly color a cross and point to the one in the front of the sanctuary. I hear the echoes of ‘Amens’ just seconds after the rest of the community says it together. I watch a boy just learning to read try to sound out the words in the missalette or count his way to Hymn 672.
I know how hard it is to do what you’re doing, but I want you to know, it matters. It matters to the congregation to know that families care about faith, to see children … and even on those weeks when you can’t see those little moments, it matters to your children.
It matters that they learn that worship is what we do as a community of faith. That everyone is welcome here, that their worship matters. When we teach children that their worship matters, we teach them that they are enough right here and right now as members of the church community. They don’t need to wait until they can believe, pray or worship in a certain way to be welcome here. It matters that children learn that they are an integral part of this church, that their prayers, their songs and even their badly timed (or perfectly timed depending on who you ask) cries and whines are a joyful noise because it means they are present.
I know it’s hard, but thank you for what you do when you bring your children to church. Please know that your family—with all of its noise, struggle, commotion and joy—are not simply tolerated, you are a vital part of the community gathered in worship.